Last Hurrah

I had a little adventure. It was a journey in search of something unknown – it was a journey to look for what is beyond. In the middle of nowhere this ship called “CAS” welcomed me. I climb aboard and the adventure begun. Throughout the journey I have met countless persons – some who’ve welcomed me, some who I have welcomed, some who stayed until now, some who have gone on their individual paths. Without all these people this journey will never be such an adventure. 
We have sailed through calm seas but sometimes we hear the roar of thunder just before the deadlines. We sailed multiple times through strong winds, through lightning, and sometimes in the dark. There were times that the sea were so relaxed but then we will experience a large wave that would wash all over us. The weather was sometimes unpredictable but we will still sail ahead. 
But then there were those times that I am most thankful for, when I hear the laughter that echoes despite the madness of the sea. The joy that told us to keep going. 
In all these twisted times, there is a light that told me to keep going. That is the light that will never lose its brightness even in the dark, even in the storm, it will continue to shine. To guide the people who will be left behind. 
—

I can only make it this far, but truth be told, I never expected to last this long either. But I am glad that I did. I just want to say thank you and I am sorry for all my shortcomings. And thank you, I am blessed to have known all of them. 

—
“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people will see you there differently, too. Coming back to where you started is never the same as not leaving.” Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
“You never leave someone behind; you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.” 
—

So yeah. After one a half weeks passed, it is finally sinking in. I know I had not bid a proper farewell – what with all those things that emerged on my last day. But I can’t let this note go unposted. It is not easy to go out of your comfort zone but I was still glad that I did it. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. In all honesty, being there for almost four years – it was like I was studying in college and now that I’ve already graduated: I still can’t quite believe it. 
—

But one thing I promised to myself: that I will go on giving my 101% in everything that I do. Even if I don’t know what the outcome will be. I will give my all, just like what passionate people do. The problem with me is that I can’t be unsure. I wanted sure, I wanted safe, I wanted comfortable. But all of that is going to end here. I will embark on a new journey. So, whose ship now am I going to climb? Or will I build my own ship? I just gotta do it. I will no longer just put one feet into the water to test if it is hot or cold. I will plunge with both feet into the water and to hell with whatever happens. I will accept the outcome. I still don’t know what I want to be and I still don’t know how I’m gonna do it. But then I have all the things that I want to do. And I will start from there. I don’t really know what’s going to happen but for now, I am going to embrace uncertainty. 
“Life must be spent doing something that makes you come alive.”

Can only time tell?

I’ve been lusting for the next book of Mitch Albom. And here it is!

It’s in hard bound copy and I had to muster all my self-control to not buy the book because it’s not a wise buy. But I thought to myself, it’s a small price to pay for the satisfaction that I will get while reading it, (will I?) and the many, many times that I can read this book over and over and over again.

I must wait for the paperback version. And to do justice to the book, I will not read it via ebook.

The reason why I don’t like to read it in ebook is because I make my Mitch Albom books a coloring book. Highlight here, highlight there (as if it’s a textbook that I need to memorize the highlighted parts) scribble here, scribble there.

I think writing your thoughts in the book is the best way to enjoy it. It may not look decent, it may looked really old, torn, tattered, very used but I guess that’s the best way to use a book. A bright, good-as-new book is the one that’s never been read. And trust me, books don’t want to be treated that way.

I’ll wait to buy this book. Patience is a virtue.

***

Note: Do you have a Bible at home?

Does it look old, or does it look new?

Or is it dusty?! Dust it off! 🙂

Who Moved Your Cheese?!

Who moved my cheese – my nonsensical thoughts.

I haven’t read the whole book but what I had read is pretty much the whole of it.
Pardon the picture of the cheese above, I just did a little bit of drawing on paint. 🙂 Anyhow, I think that I didn’t like the book because (1) I don’t really like self-help books; (2) It says everything, I don’t even get the chance to wonder to myself while reading it; (maybe at this time, you’re thinking how pointless my dislike for this book is) lastly, (3) what it says is what I already know but I don’t use it. I mean I already know it – but I don’t make use of what I already know.

Here’s the thing, I enjoyed change ONLY when it does something good to me. I enjoy changes, a lot – especially when something out-of-the-box happens. But I am only fooling myself here. How can change be only something advantageous to me? Does it mean that if the change is bad, it is no longer a change? It does not. And for this reason, I am again my stubborn self.

_________________________________________________________________

But here’s my thoughts:

1) Maybe I am not enjoying the cheese given to me. I become very used to this kind of cheese that sometimes, I long for a different kind of cheese. Unsatisfied. Discontented. I wonder if I go to the maze, will I find the type of cheese that I want?

2) Will I enjoy the search more than the type of cheese that I will find?

3) Will I get disappointed if what I found is not what I like?

***

Whatever happens, I like to get out of that maze.

As Simon Bolivar said: “How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?”.

Artsy Sunday

I’m lying in my bed when I opened a book.

And I saw this highlighted line.

Then I just started on doodling and I got this…

This is from the book, Looking for Alaska by John Green which I had read early July.

It’s not very nice and it looks like some kid just played on watercolor pencils but this took my mind from things that I didn’t want to think of but keeps on entering my mind.

I guess like reading a book and playing a guitar, drawing is also my way of escaping this distressing world.

Nine out of Thirteen Books Finished!

At last, four more books to go!

I am currently reading A Series of Unfortunate Events written by Lemony Snicket.
It’s not very interesting to read, I must warn you, because I am always almost sad whenever I finish one book. And that is because it is really a series of UNFORTUNATE events – and not a happily ever after ending.

Even though it is not a pleasant to finish it, I found myself getting more and more drawn to their lives and I will always wish that there could be some sort of meaningful resolution, if not a happy ending.

I guess I just want to read it so that I can be sad about it and not about something.

smiles and fades

 

 

Hilera album playing.

Last track of the Hilera album.

Orange + Purple = Ü

This is what I wore today.

Dresses are one of the things that you can easily wear and give others an idea that you’re making an effort when you’re not actually making an effort in what you wear.

I also combined orange with purple, kinda like the secondary colors sans green, or maybe not, it is in the background.

Purple bag and purple nails plus orange bracelet.

(Finally made a ‘what I wore today’ post.) yeah!

I left the Great Perhaps.

I go to seek a great perhaps. But what is a great perhaps?

I just had a glimpse of this line on tumblr. And it made sense. It made a whole lot of sense and there at that moment I thought randomly that I wanted to read this book – Looking for Alaska by John Green. It doesn’t matter that I know nothing about the author or the book, I was just entranced by this line.

And I thought that’s the end of it. Just a moment of curiosity, of just thinking and finding out but never really carrying out.

Last Thursday, in the midst of doing nothing, for, like, three weeks in a row, of doing really nothing that seemed very important and the thoughts of someone, I just wanted to read a book. But I had no book in hand. And I wanted to get my hands on any book to distract my mind from thinking something, we search for books. And off we searched.

I actually thought of two books – Words to Live By by C.S. Lewis and Looking for Alaska by John Green.

But I found this one. And even when I planned to read this next week, I already finished it now. 😦 So I had nothing to read for next week. The looks of boredom is coming next week. Haha.

So let’s get to the point. Of reading the book. Sure it didn’t liven up to my expectations. BUT, I never expected something was coming out of it.

I never thought I’d shed a tear in reading this book. A great perhaps – maybe we’re all searching for that. That one shining moment as I call it. But you can never get through life without searching for something. For meaning, for love, for importance, for essence. All of us, even if we don’t admit it, we’re all searching for something different than what we already have, than where we already are, than who we were with.

And that is a difficult task. Somehow, you may be lost in searching. You’re lost and here comes the labyrinth. The labyrinth that you want so badly to get out of. But the labyrinth is life itself. Getting lost is part of it.

I liked the word labyrinth and nostalgia tangled into one quote. Maybe that’s the reason I liked this line, or lines.

I liked the book. But not too much. Not as much as I liked Mitch Albom’s books. I’m thinking if I’m going to read this again. Or not.

But my measure of a great book is how many times I would read that book over and over.

***

Maybe this book is just my way of escaping. Of escaping my thoughts. And I found out that I never learned.

“But while you were looking out the window, you missed the chance to explore the equally interesting Buddhist belief in being present for every facet of your daily life, of being TRULY present. Be PRESENT in this class. And then, when it’s over, be present out THERE.”

***

 

 

change is constant. but change cannot be forced.

happy father’s day.

happy father’s day papa! wherever you are – i’m missing you more each day. I wish I could ride together with you on your motorcycle once again.. or I could sit next to you when you drive., or listen to your stories, and hear you laugh, or I could fold and sew your clothes for you and ask “have you eaten?” I wish I can still take your telephone calls.

just hearing the roar of motorcycle would be enough for me to think that you’re still here.

I wish I could have greeted you more ‘happy father’s day’ when you were still alive. ❤